I came home and met my husband in a happy mood. He had set the dining table ready in anticipation of the good news. It wasn’t closing time but he was already home, obviously to hear the news first hand. However, there was no good news to tell my husband. I looked at the joy and excitement in his face and felt very bad at that moment. I started imagining the treatment I would have received from my husband if I could just announce to him that “I am pregnant”. Why did God turn my happiness to sadness? It was really heavy for me to inform him that I was not pregnant after all the drama. I handed over the envelope to him and rushed to the bathroom to fix my sanitary pad so as to avoid the flow from staining me.
He took the brown envelope and stared at it for a long time without altering a word. My husband is a man of faith and I know that. After some minutes he joined me in the bedroom where I was sobbing, ‘why are you crying my sweet heart?’ He asked. ‘Why won’t I cry? When God seems to have forgotten me but choose to show kindness to a sinner. I may not be a perfect Christian but I am a good one. Why will I keep myself for all these years and God will choose to pay me back in this painful way, I retorted as I sobbed bitterly. My husband was temporarily confused, he was short of words and I understood as he tried to mutter some words but swallowed them again. He couldn’t withstand my tears as some unsolicited tears dropped down his own cheeks uncontrollably.
He later summoned strength and courage and said, ‘sweetheart, it is too early to worry about pregnancy. We are barely less than two months in marriage and you are already devastated because you didn’t conceive in the first month. You need to take it easy, if you didn’t achieve pregnancy this month, you can achieve it next month. Stop accusing God that way, that’s close to blaspheming. Stop crying and wipe away your tears. I am your husband and we are in it together.’ He hugged me, cuddled me, kissed me, etc but all that made no meaning to me at that moment.
For three days, I lost my appetite. My husband tried to make me eat but I couldn’t. All the times he forced me to, I threw it all up eventually. He was so worried that he called my mom to inform her of all that has happened and my attitude towards the matter. My mom called me and cheered me up. She took her time to explain the ovulation process and how I should take advantage of it next month. I thanked my mom and we ended the call. That gave me some small relief and was able to eat some noodles. I made up my mind to yield to my mom’s advice and take full advantage of my ovulation time. I started calculating based on the way my mom taught me.
From my calculations, my ovulation was supposed to be around 15th, by 12th I started giving my husband enough water melon and dates fruit to boost his performance for the period. Even when I was having pains I didn’t let my husband know so as not to advice we should minimize the number of times we met together. I made him sleep with me twice before he left for work and when he came back from work, we did it before his meal. At night, we could go as much as three to four rounds. I was determined not to leave any stone unturned this time. At some point, he complained mildly, ‘sweetheart don’t you think we are having too much of sex?’ He asked. ‘What is too much sex for a new couple who wants a child?’ I replied. ‘Don’t tell me you are already getting bored with sex just after two months of marriage. If we don’t have sex how do you want me to be pregnant?’ He was pacified and apologized for complaining.
After a weeklong sex romp with my husband I started having some pains around my lower abdomen, the pains were hurting and sharp. I didn’t bother to tell my husband because I don’t want him to tell me to go to the hospital. I endured the pain for two weeks thinking it will subside but it rather grew worse.
On the 3rd of November I went to the nearby pharmacy to get pregnant test kits. I will carry out the test myself before going to the hospital for confirmation. I was anxious it will be positive this time. I did the test and I didn’t understand the result. I went back to the pharmacist the following day for him to explain to me how to interpret the result of the test. He did and asked me to get another kit to re-conduct the test. While I was going home that day I asked myself, “Maryam why the desperation? Why do you want to kill yourself over pregnancy for a marriage that’s less than three months?” I challenged myself in many ways but yet I was still worried. I threw away the new pregnancy test kit I just bought and went home trusting God.
The pain in my abdomen became unbearable by the day. I spoke to my husband about it and of course he said we will see the doctor tomorrow. He didn’t seek for my consent the following day when he came back from work and told me to prepare for a visit to the hospital. ‘Sweet heart, I think I am better now and there will be no need going to the hospital again,’ I told him. My husband took me by my hand and pulled me up and pointed towards the room, ‘go in there and put on your clothes now,’ he said. I obeyed him and went in to change my clothes.
To be continued…….