When Your Marriage Is Sick – by Dr. D.K Olukoya
This week, in our message titled, “When your marriage is sick,” we would be looking at reasons why marriages become sick, signs of a sick marriage and the ways of dealing sucessfully with a sick marriage.
Genesis 2:18 says, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.”
Verses 21-25: “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from the man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked; the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”
The marriage institution was created by God. It is a very senior serious divine institution. It is even senior to the church. It is something from the heart of God and because of that, God was the first officiating minister of a wedding.Therefore, marriage is the first human institution ordained by God.
There are five cardinal factors to be followed for this institution to be successful. Failure to follow them will result in sickness.
Nowadays, many marriages are sick. Many marriages are marriages of convenience. There are Christian homes where the couples fight day and night. Marriage counsellors are amazed by the way many husbands and wives fight themselves. Many children have come to me saying that if this is how husbands beat their wives and wives beat their husbands, they will not marry. The situation is actually becoming worse than before. Unfortunately, half of the children born today are born to unwedded mothers. So, the evil circle continues again.
If believers sit down and do nothing, the enemy will only do more havoc. All through the ages, the family has been the most assaulted institution by satan, even witches and wizards hate marriage with perfect hatred.
FIVE CARDINAL RULES TO BE FOLLOWED FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE
If any of these rules are contravened, the marriage will become sick.
1. Genesis 2:24: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother…” The first rule is for the man to leave his father and mother. If this first key is not followed, a marriage will be sick. God demands that after a wedding ceremony, when the marriage contract is in force, the man should be separated from his parents and should go and live with his wife. I know many men and women who are tied to the strings of the mothers or fathers’ aprons. The marriage of anybody like that will be sick. The Bible does not give you permission to remain in your family house after marriage. If you remain there, that marriage will be sick. No matter how friendly the people are in that house, the marriage will be sick because it is in contrast with the word of God. It is better for a man and his wife to go for one room somewhere else than to stay in a mansion family house. The only way a married couple can remain in a family house and the marriage will not be sick is when the man is the only child of his parents, who are dead and the house was willed to him.
2. “…and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
The second rule is that there must be a cleaving. That is, the couple must stay together under one roof. In some marriages, the husband would travel abroad for five, ten etc years, leaving the wife behind. Such an arrangement makes a marriage sick. People in such situations need to pray. It is either the woman joins him or he comes back to the woman. Any type of job that takes a husband away for years without seeing his wife should not be encouraged.
3. Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife…”
It did not say “his wives.” The original blueprint from God for marriage is monogamy – one man one wife. If a man would need more than one wife, God would have taken two or more ribs out of his side and created more women for him. Polygamy is not permitted.
4. Genesis 2:25: “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”
There must be unity and intimacy. This scripture makes it clear that a couple has no privacy between each other. There should be nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. The only thing they cannot share is clothing.
5. Ephesians 5:23: “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Saviour of the body.”
The headship of the home belongs to the husband. The husband is the head just as Christ is the head of the church. That is how God ordained it. The wife is a help meet for the man. The wife is not just one female person somewhere. She is not a house girl or a harlot, or a concubine or a slave but help meet for him and should not be treated like a slave.
There was the case of a certain brother. Two months before his wedding, he stopped washing his clothes. When he was asked why, he said it was because his wife was coming. To him a wife means a slave.
SIGNS OF A SICK MARRIAGE
• If a marriage is sick, there will be lack of togetherness.
• There will be accusation and counter-accusation.
• There will be faultfinding and blame-shifting.
• When day-to-day quarrel in a family has to be reported to a third party, the marriage is sick already. It is a tragic day for a marriage, when the in-laws come to settle quarrels between the husband and wife.
• When a couple cannot settle a quarrel by themselves, it means that sickness has set in.
• When a couple no longer talk to each other, the marriage is sick.
• When a couple maintains separate rooms, avoiding each other, the marriage is sick.
• Sexual pervasion is another sign of a sick marriage. When a couple engage in oral sex, anal sex etc the marriage will be sick.
1. The couple should surrender their lives to Jesus.
2. Make God their senior partner in the family.
3. Intensify the fire on their family altar. Married couples who do not pray together are inviting serious trouble. There must be daily family altar, where they share the word of God, sing praises and pray. The family that prays together stays together. The family that does not pray now will eventually pray under harsh conditions. There must be family altar in the home.
4. Do not allow a family dispute to go beyond a day. Settle it before you go to bed. If you go to bed with dispute, the devil will be your bedfellow.
5. Accept your fault when you are wrong and apologize. Many problems in the world can be solved with “I am sorry.”
Any man or woman who is looking for someone without any fault or blemish for marriage can only find such a person in a mortuary or cemetery. Sometimes, God brings two opposite people together in marriage so that there will be a balance in the equilibrium. The man may be stingy while the wife would be generous etc. Tolerance is very important for a successful marriage. Be determined that your marriage will succeed according to the will of God and it shall be so.
1. Every evil marital pattern working against my life, scatter, in the name of Jesus.
2. Thou power of God that divided the Red sea, visit my family, in the name of Jesus.
3. Arrow of deliverance, enter into my marriage now, in the name of Jesus.
4. Every poison of marital failure in my life, come out now, in Jesus’ name.