After my husband’s ordination I noticed I was feeling feverish with terrible stomach pain. If it was the fever alone I would have attributed it to the stress of the ordination but what about the stomach pain? On my way back from work I did a quick check on my health status and I was confirmed to be pregnant. ‘Madam, don’t allow what happened to the first pregnancy happen to this one. It is not good to have miscarriage twice in the same way.’ The laboratory attendant advised me. Thank you sir, it won’t happen again, I assured him. All the smiles I gave to him were all fake. Before my husband traveled we didn’t meet for almost two weeks, he was away for a whole month and now I am five weeks pregnant. This is the greatest mistake of my life. I needed nobody to tell me my husband isn’t responsible for the pregnancy.
How will I face this shame I have put myself into? My husband is surely going to overreact when he discovers I am pregnant for another man. How will he stand the shame now that he’s a pastor? This is the biggest mess of my life. I started nursing the thought of having an abortion even though I have vowed never to commit such an act till I die. But how will I have an abortion without my husband knowing? I must travel out of Calabar to carry out such an act. I began to strategize all alone. I felt like telling Sarah but I fear that the secret might leak out through her. I thought of many things until my head became as hot as an oven. In the process I slept off. In my sleep I had a dream and saw myself going for an abortion but I died in the process and was taken to the morgue. When I woke up, I wanted to pray against death but I knew the prayer of a sinner is an abomination before God.
I stopped my plans for an abortion due to my dream as the pregnancy continued to advance. People around me started suspecting due to the changes in my body. I could sleep from 9am to 11am while work continued to pile up on my table. Sarah had asked me twice if I needed to see a doctor but I turned the suggestion down claiming it was stress from the work load of the ordination events.
I called my mother and informed her about all that happened and how I got myself pregnant with a man who is not my husband. She was disappointed in me but the following day she joined the next bus to Calabar. On her arrival, she did a manual check on my body to ascertain that I was truly pregnant. ‘Have you told anybody?’ She asked me. ‘No ma.’ ‘What of the man who impregnated you?’ ‘I haven’t told him either.’ She asked me for his phone number but I pretended I was searching for it while I knew I had deleted it from my phone. ‘Can’t you get the number?’ She asked angrily. I was ashamed of myself at that moment. How do I explain to my mother I don’t have the contact of the man who got me pregnant?
I went out and quickly called Sarah, Sarah please send me Tony’s number now, it’s urgent. I thought you said you have nothing to do with him again, she asked jokingly. ‘Seems like his thing is sweeter than David’s own.’ I hated her for that expensive joke. ‘Will you send me the number or not?’ I asked in annoyance. Thirty seconds later she forwarded the number to me. I gave the number to my mother and she called him and introduced herself. I will like to see you urgently, she said and ended the call. In less than an hour Tony was right in my matrimonial home.
They talked with my mother without letting me know or hear anything about their discussion. She did not say anything to my husband but my husband was uncomfortable with her visit because it was too sudden. The following day she asked my husband of the address of the church and promised to pay him a visit. I knew my mother was going to see the senior pastor. I couldn’t stop her because of my shameful act. Suicide was the next on my mind because I can’t bear to be humiliated by the spread of the news.
My mother told the pastor everything I have been hiding about my husband and my current condition. The pastor could not believe his ears, he pleaded with my mother to call me to confirm if all my mother said were true. When I heard my phone rang and saw it was pastor my heart was oeverwhelmed with fear. ‘Sis Fola, is all your mother told me true?’ He asked me on phone but I couldn’t alter a word until he ended the call. My silence of course gave him the answer to his question. Before my mother came back, I picked few of my things and ran away from the house.
I went to a destination no one close to me knew about. I changed my phone number immediately. I called Sarah to inform her of my disappearance but I didn’t tell her anything about my destination. I also hid the identity of my number when I called her. I called her the following day and she broke the sad news to me, my husband committed suicide on hearing that I was pregnant for another man.
I am dying of guilt but I can’t face the shame. I have lost everything; my husband, my salvation, my job and the man I truly love. I am writing this story for other women who are leaving with domestic violence to learn from my story.
(c) Ayodele Adeoye